7 months!

Hi, just a quick blog to recognize my 7th month of healing!

Now I'm also going to confess here that I had, last month, a few weak and stressful moments where I caught myself picking at my chest. It was shocking, because I hadn't even realized I was doing it. I'm a little ashamed about it, but I share it, because I think it is important for anyone out there on the journey to know that even 7 months in, I am still fighting to stop picking at myself and 7 months in I can still remind myself to take it one day at a time. I do have to say that the huge difference is that now, after 7 months of this work, I have a huge tool box to dig into that I didn't have before and I have the knowledge now that I can not pick, absolutely CAN NOT PICK, no matter what. I can always stop myself by looking at the clock and counting down the hours like I did on the first day and every moment since then that I needed it. It was also a really important lesson, because I got to feel the difference of feeling the shame from picking versus the shame of having this other skin on my face that is healing. One made me feel awful and the other, while it doesn't make me feel great, is at least tolerable because it is coming from a positive place of healing.

And while I'm in confession mode, I have recently caught myself touching my skin again, not picking it, but touching it. So now here I am 7 months in and I am now back to working minute by minute at not touching!!!!!!!!! Unbelievably challenging!

I think part of what is going on is that I'm actually getting much closer to being healed than I have ever been. I can actually see that I'm getting closer and I think there is this part of me that is absolutely terrified about what to do next! The questions that I had that lead me to picking are still here and the pressure to be attractive is still here and all the things that I feared are still here. While I've been focused on not picking and healing, I didn't have to think about what happens next... but now that I'm getting closer, I'm starting to get anxious about what to do next. So I'm just trying to stay in the moment, take my next breath and not freak out. Follow my inner guidance and trust that the moment will reveal my next step.

So anyway, that is where I am. Still here doing the work and breathing my next breath. Sending you all love and peace!